Marriage and Money: Avoiding the Fighting

One of the hardest things to do in life is to combine marriage and money. It’s hard for the most dedicated couples of avoid fights about money because each person brings their own thoughts about money into the marriage. It’s hard to think differently about something that has always had a profound effect on their life.

When people get married, they don’t always know how their marriage will affect their financial well-being or the way they view money. There are some that like to be prepared and have discussed finances before getting married. Many of those couples experience a lot less arguments about money than other couples.

The Defense Against Money Arguments

As people begin to argue about money, both parties should take a moment to calm down and think about what their argument is really about. Financial distress is one of the most common problems that couples argue over. Each party has a point they want to be heard and they won’t be heard among screaming and yelling.

Instead of allowing a disagreement about money to ruin a marriage or leave anyone feeling ignored, couples should follow 5 steps.

Step 1: Choose a better time

Most people think the best time to tackle a huge problem is when the emotions are hot and the discovery is fresh. That is not always the best time to discuss financial upsets. Discussing a financial upset when the emotion is fresh is the wrong time because many times the emotions a person is feeling will color the discussion. Instead, gather the important information and calm down. Once both parties are calm, discuss the situation. Both parties are more likely to be open to the conversation and can discuss it rationally.

Step 2: Preparation is Key

Everyone likes to have proof when they are being told there is a problem. Gather all the information together and show one another. If there is a general discussion to be had, write down the matters that need to be discussed so the conversation doesn’t digress.

Step 3: Leave Emotions out

There are no emotions in finances. Leave the emotional talking out of the conversations. When discussing financial issues, instead of accusing, couples should say how they feel. “I feel disregarded when you buy a 60 inch flat screen for the den and I am told I can’t have my mani-pedi spa time each month.” Emotions start 95% of the fighting about finances. Leave emotions out.

Step 4: Be Respectful and Take Turns

Both parties should feel save enough to state their position in the argument. Each person should be respected enough to be heard. Each person should have the same amount of time to speak without being interrupted. Without conversation and both parties being heard, the money trouble can’t be solved.

Step 5: Make a plan TOGETHER

It took both parties to get in this mess; it takes both parties to get out. Each partner should have an input in the plan necessary to right the financial wrong that has been done. Each partner has to do their part to correct the mistake.

Apr. 1 14'

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